


mcnuggets gang 13.5/ return of günter / unofficial, and uncensored!!!

by dreadfulbeauties



Category: Bloodborne (Video Game), Pocket Mirror (Video Game), The Witch's House
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 20:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30111921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadfulbeauties/pseuds/dreadfulbeauties
Summary: A crack fic I generated in the Fanfic Maker. If I had to suffer through reading this in the voice chat for my discord server, then so do you.
Relationships: Alfred/The Hunter (Bloodborne), Harpae/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	mcnuggets gang 13.5/ return of günter / unofficial, and uncensored!!!

**Author's Note:**

> i'm posting this because vyv wasn't able to join us in voice chat. i'm so sorry in advance for this, and a horrible bastardization of all characters involved, including my boy günter.

My name is Günter.

From the moment I was born, I remembered I was trained as an assassin. 

It was tough, but my master was a stern but just master. 

Still, sometimes I would lay awake in bed and hope that one day, I would find my parents and that we could be a family together again. My master told me that if I survive my first mission, he would help me find my parents.

And so I did my first mission (it was easily, it only required me to kill a family of two with a carbomb). And so my master tried to find my parents. But they were already dead.

I realized I was all alone in the world. 

I was all alone now, I thought back to happier times... 

...but it didn't change the fact I was now alone. All alone.

All alone except me and my master. 

My master's organisation was employed by an illustrious person: Ellen. And one day I came back from school.

I came into the assassin's cave network

"Master," I said, "I'm sooo tired of having to go to school. Everyone's a poser there."

"Hush, little child," she said, "I have a new mission for you!"

"Oooh great!" I said with joy, "I'll get right on it!"

"It is very simple," the master said as she showed me the map of the iggloo I had to infiltrate. 

"First, you need to say a passphrase to a guard there. When he says Ezekiel, you say Fight Fire With Fire."

"Alright I can do that," I said as I wrote it down.

"And then you need to sneak through the hallways, into the kitchen where a maid has prepared a poisonous Apple juice.

"Right, easy," I said.

"And then you need to give it to the President, and then it will kill her."

"The President?! I said surprised.

"Yes, we are contracted to kill the President."

"But PresidentHarpae is a great president!"

"Hush little boy. You have been trained as an assassin to kill people. This must be done."

"Ok Master," I said in great turmoil. Because the Master didnt know that... in fact.... I was in love withHarpae 

\---

Günter stopped and gazed into space.

Oh no.

It was happening; He couldn't help thinking about Alfred again. He tried not too. Desperate to avoid the thoughts that could not be, no, - would not be- held back.

But like dozens of unstoppable goons they came creeping forwardtill they filled His brain;

Alfreds smile shined like silver, as impressive as a mansion, it filled the warehouse and Günter was helplessly but willingly absorbed into them.

Alfreds eyes were like balloons.If you rolled them they would go quite far.

Alfreds legs were like a lamppost. Straight and tight.

Alfreds chest was like a Ninjas. Powerful and impossible to ignore.

How could Günter not be helpless in the face of that?He wanted to hug Alfred so much, and maybe, just maybe kiss Him one dayon the cheek.

Günter snapped out of it. But the thoughts of Alfred would be back. Would He be able to resist next time?

\---

And so I prepared my mission. I felt really bad. Harpae and I had only met each other once. It was at prom-night. I was dressed maginicently. AndHarpae... gosh, now that I think of Harpae my heart starts beating more rapidly.

But anyway, so I met Harpae there. 

"Hello," I said.

"You look nice," Harpae said.

"THank you, you look great too," I said.

"Oh, I don't mean your clothes," Harpae said, "I mean your soul. I can look into your soul. That's my power. And I see you are unlike anyone else here."

"Everyone else here are priks and posers," I said.

"Yes, but you're even more special. Maybe... maybe..." Harpae said.

"Maybe what?" I said. I remember my heart beating very rapidly then.

"Maybe you fullfill the prophecy!"

"The propecy?!" I said with anxienty.

"Yes, the propecy. It states that I should mary the person who fulfills the prophecy."

"Omygod," I said.

"Iknoright!" Harpae said.

"But how do you know who fulfills the prophecy?"

"When they have the power of hunting."

Oh gosh, I remember myself thking back then. Master told me never to tell anyone, but I did in fact have hunting!

"I don't know anything about that," I said.

"Oh well," said Harpae, "too bad. Because you, Günter, you look like exactly the sort of person I'd love to marry."

And then the President left.

What will I do now? I thought when I did the things my master told me to. 

Shall I fulfill my master's obligation, or shall I show Harpae that I am the one she’s destined to marry?

(A/N OMG sooooo romantic!)

\---

Interlude:

Günter was finding it really hard to concentrate at this movement his thoughts kept trying to think of Alfred. Despite what was happening, it was hard to focus!

\----

\---

And then, at the worst possible moment. It happened. Again.

Günter gazed at Alfred.

It was impossible to resist this time. Like a cart Günter was pulled towards Alfred. It was a like interdiction in a war. It was a like a small sword piercing through His heart.It was a like magnets.

There was No resisting. No mercy.No longer anything else mattered.

Alfred looked shocked and then...and then...not shocked. He had known all along.

Of course. How could Günter have been so stupid? Those long looks at eachother,the times they gazed at the stars together, the candle lit dinners. The tender hugs..

It wasn't just friendship. It never was. It was more and Alfred had known all along.

"I knew" Alfred said.

"oh" Günter said, realizing all this for the first time.

But there was more...Alfred wasn't pulling away. He was pushing tighter. Holding Günter like a wild orca.

This is what He had needed for so long. too long. February. maybe more.

But this was now now. 

Günter and Alfred together at last!

They canoddled like lovers and just kissed..

They cuddled a lot and then held hands.

Afterwards they looked at eachother as if for the first time and had a cigarette.

But they knew they must leave.

They didn't want anyone to see.

Their forbidden love must remain hidden for now. Perhaps forever.

Günter took one last look at Alfred.

"Goodbye my snuggly one"

"Love you too, my one and only Günter"

And then they departed.

\---

So I sneaked in and did what the Master told me to do. It was easy.

But when I came to the room with the President, I hesitated. I could not put the poisonous white spirit down. Harpae was just too dear to me! I loved Harpae.

But that moment of doubt became my downfall. As the President turned around and looked me right in the eyes.

Günter?, Harpae said.

My breath stopped, my heart was about to explode and my eyes welled up. 

"It's not what you think!" I said.

But of course it was what Harpae thought. I was an assassin. I had to accept it.

"Oh my god, Günter, not you!" Harpae cried out. Taers welled up in her eyes and soon they came flooding down her cheek. 

"Nooooo," the President said, "I LOVED YOU!" (A/N ZOMG *swoon* Amirite?!)

"I LOVE YOU TOO," I cried out while I threw the poisonous gin & tonic on the floor. 

"LET'S BE TOGETHER FOR ALWAYS."

"OK!"

"It is Ellen who is behind this assassination!

And so the President told the army to arrest Ellen.

"I love you so much," said President Harpae. 

"I love you too." I said

**Author's Note:**

> don't say i didn't warn you.


End file.
